just want to start by saying that i appreciate all of your posts so much!
i woke up this morning feeling great. clear head. good sleep. the morning went beautifully! i love going to work feeling alert and focused and ready to take on whatever. i got my timmy's coffee and i was off! the day went well - nothing too stressful happened. a few times i had to stop and take some deep breaths because i didn't want just ordinary stress to accumulate and leave me frazzled by the end of the day. about 2:30 in the afternoon the old brain started flashing forward "when i get home i can have a drink" it told me. i don't smoke - but i can only imagine that the cravings are similar. i had no physical withdrawl symptoms or anything like that. i just kept thinking about it - off and on. after work i picked up my son and came home - and usually when i walk through the door i go straight to the fridge. i fought it all the way through making dinner, tidying up, and then after dinner i sat down and that was it.
"yuck - no coolers - only beer...oh well"
but - that was at 7 pm and it is now ten after 9. i am still nursing it.
the kids are in bed, my laundry is drying, and i am going to have a bath and go to bed.
tomorrow i will wake up and thankfully i will still feel good.
i am not happy about it - but i wouldn't hide it or lie about it either. i hope that i can just keep posting each day and keep track of my progress without too much advice, criticism or judgement. the time to worry i suppose, is if i stop writing.
thanks for listening.
good night. hope you all are well.
hugs
lizard
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I'm so tickled we have snow..... praying they close school tomorrow!:happy:
Should end tomorrow but I just love it, love, love it. So I call Ry who's at Winter Park waiting to be called into work because they don't have snow on the rockies in the resorts yet to gloat... LOL He's like seriously mom, here it's sunny clear and warm and you desert rats have SNOW, what up with that!! :lmao:
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I have a question...
I am about 11 months clean, have been going to NA meetings and just recently finished going over step 1 with my sponsor.
My wife has always been rather skeptical of NA, thinking that referring to what "afflicts" me as a disease and turning things over to a higher power as a cop out...
Almost every time I return from a meeting she asks "what did you learn", and wants a sort of synopsis of what I did and what/if I got out of it...
Many times I react defensively feeling like I should not have to report to her every time I go to a meeting, read something...etc...
Now, I am no different than any other addict in that I have failed her miserably in almost every way imaginable...but we are still best friends...I think she still loves me, she says she does. But she doesn't believe I love her because of my defensiveness in many situations. She feels like I am not wanting to share this stuff with her. I do...just not right when I come in the door...and maybe not even all of it!
A while ago, when I was about half way done with my 1st step, she found it and read it...she read some things that made her very upset...and our life changed as a result...
I was very upset that she had done that but she said she had to know who she was considering staying with...
Anyway...she also wants to be able to read it periodically...
Am I wrong for not wanting her to "quiz" me on meetings and such? Should I just bite my tongue and report everything I am thinking, feeling and such any time she asks because of all the deception that I subjected her to before?
Any thoughts would be appreciated...
Thanks you...
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